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I subscribe to a wonderful weekly science magazine called Science News. (www.sciencenews.org). It's a thin little thing resembling a comic book in size; each issue has no more than 20 pages and it contains abbreviated and extremely readable articles about what's going on in the world of science that week. Then, at the end of the year, there is an especially long issue called "The Year in Review" where, in just a few lines or so, they review the most important articles of the previous year in categories such as Anthropology, Behavior, Botany, Cell and Molecular Biology and a few others. I've picked a few to share with you.

Comment: Before I say we should all be drinking more wine which I am not going to say, I want to know how the researchers knew that their mice were experiencing more "well-being." Did they run joyfully round and round on their little wheels? Did they pick up their little banjos and have little tiny hoe-downs? Could the researchers hear them telling jokes followed by tiny guffaws and wee knee-slaps? But, seriously, folks: Please drink more of the red stuff, and if you don't have a problem with alcohol, I suppose 4 oz of red wine WITH a steak dinner is good for you. However, non-alcoholic Pomegranate juice and Acai are two of my favorite anti-oxidant juices.

Under the category of Behavior: "Mellow Out: Scientists reported that the aging brain restructures itself in ways that encourage emotional stability and a tendency to favor positive emotions over negative ones."

Comment: Whew! Thank God! I remember the angst of my late teens and early twenties years when I wore black leotards, lots of black eye shadow, read Beat Poetry aloud and endured long nights of beer and cigarettes at the bar discussing Kant and Kierkegaard and the futility of it all. Now that I am a woman of an indeterminate age, I can, according to Science News, put all that aside and enjoy a wholesome lifestyle, chamomile tea, Real Simple Magazine and Joel Osteen on Sunday mornings. And, I guess I will also be smiling a lot, too, because I have nothing but positive emotions now! Well, this I do know for sure: When you get older you have nothing to prove and what's more you don't care about proving whatever it was that you wanted to prove when you were younger. If you can remember what that was. . .

Under the category of Technology: "Wearable rice: Textile scientists extracted natural cellulose fibers from otherwise useless rice straw and spun it into yarn."

Comment: Several things come to mind: 1) Is this what I have been spending my taxes on? 2) Don't they know that rice is a high glycemic carbohydrate and can make you fat and is especially not good for us protein types? 3) About that "useless rice straw": I think Rachel Ray may know what to do with it. Or, if she doesn't, then surely Heloise would know. Maybe extra stuffing (organic!) for a worn-out mattress? Perhaps a tarnish remover? Or a festive table decoration? However, there are a couple of good things here: One: You don't have to worry about moths anymore, but watch out for the dog who will think your sweater is a new doggie treat. Two: When Armageddon comes with all the attendant food shortages, you could always eat your clothes.

Under the category of Food for thought: "Chocolate sunscreen: A cocoa drink rich in flavonoids not only made women's skin look better but also protected it from sun burn."

Comment: Now let me run this by myself one more time: You make this cocoa drink then smear it on your face when you go out in the sun? So you have this very dark brown, shiny, drippy face attracting wasps, ants and whatnot? Furthermore, this thick coating of gooey sweet smelling flavonoids would not only act like SPF 1000 but your skin would look better? When? After you take the chocolate mask off? Puhleeze. Which planet are you from? (Oh, you drink it!)

Under the category of Food for Thought: "Cola break? Regularly consuming cola-flavored drinks appeared to weaken bones in postmenopausal women, leaving them vulnerable to fractures."

Comment: Nothing funny here. This just gives me another platform to get cranky about one of my favorite things: How bad all the bone-destroying osteoporosis drugs out there on the pharmarketplace are. The research shows that yes, after you go on these drugs, the bones looks thicker and appear whiter and healthier on the bone density scans while in reality, the bones are more brittle and break more easily. Have you seen the ad for Fosamax on TV? In tiny letters there are these words (paraphrased): "Fosamax will build up your bones but has not been shown to prevent fractures." What tha'?

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